REAL vs. RUDE

Last night, I was engaged in a conversation at the bar with a few people on what makes a "REAL N*GGA". For the record, I'm not the biggest fan on the phrase, but for the purposes of this blog post, we will leave it as it is, and not read too deeply into it. The conversation began when my soror said that a particular man "could get IT", and another man took the comment to mean that she would actually partake in sexual activities. This lead to a sidebar which took ALL night just to conclude that the statement itself was just a figure of speech.

Well, the man took it to mean that women say we want the ever elusive "REAL N*GGA" something but in reality, when we get what we want, we are unhappy.... ugh... Tracy McGrady eye---->  @_o

This spawned another discussion on whether it would be RUDE vs. REAL for a man to approach a woman and tell her that he wanted to "fcuk" her. This man said that there are actually a slew of women who he has slept with by using these tactics... I responded that it is a DIRECT reflection of the caliber of no good gutterbutt trollopy whores females that he pursues -- And he had the NERVE to question me about why I don't believe in casual sex... but thats a different story altogether.

In having this conversation, I've come to really learn that men generally have lost their fcuking mind don't understand the female psyche.... Like... AT ALL.

I know that I am usually the person who thinks oddly, so today, I raised the point with my twitter followers, to see if they had any opinions on the matter:

"He can get it" = he's sexy/turn on. Not related to actual fuckability --> relative. If I asked if he was looking for a relationship and he said "no i'm just looking to fuck" that would be appreciated for not wasting my time.

Real is admitting you're interested in someone. Rude is skipping all sense of courtship & going for the kill.

I've come to acknowledge the fact that men are probably are a lot more simple in their approach to women because the reactions of females very so greatly. *smh*  I refuse to believe that men come up with these theories without the input of some dumb ass broad woman, so, perhaps the female delegation of LIFE should come to a consensus...

When we say that we want a REAL man, what EXACTLY do we MEAN?

No Ordinary Love...

The 45th day of the year. The 14th day of the second month. February 14.

Valentine's Day.

It's the one day of the year that society sets apart for a person to revel in the institution of "Love", by showering our "significant others" with all the frivolous and immaterial things that can be bought: candy, flowers, and jewelry. We use these gifts as outward manifestations of our love for one another, and yet we often fail to articulate what we mean when we say that we truly love someone. Most times, we struggle to achieve the Eros realm of love... Or perhaps in the quest for Eros, we find something completely different...

"If they only knew love, true love, to love, like this before...
If they only gave love, saved love, brave love, like this before..."

In 1988, a woman and her 4 young children embarked on a journey that would forever change the course of their lives, traveling to join the man she loved in a foreign country. Abandoning the life they knew, the home that they had built, and the support system that had been forged, she followed him down an uncharted path. Just a year prior, a man made the choice to pursue an opportunity that would separate him from his family. An opportunity of advancement that could open doors and provide a better life for the people he cared about. Day after day, a battle was waged in his mind about whether or not he made the correct decision. Some called it foolish, others called it stupid. He called it Love's Sacrifice.

Twenty-two years ago, I was a terrified 22 month old girl being carried off of an airplane, utterly confused by a change that I had not foreseen, nor had I been prepared for. My whole life changed on that day. Flocked by my 3 brothers and my mother, our sheer existence was the realization of a prayer that had been offered to God long before I was a thought in my mother's mind. The demonstration of love that my parents showed, and the risks that they took to make my life more meaningful, are the foundation of my ability to love.

"There's no vocabulary for love within a family,

Love that's lived in but not looked at,

Love within the light of which all else is seen,

The love within which all other love finds speech.

This love is silent."

(T.S. Eliot)

February 14th has and will always mean more to me than a day for Cupid to have his way with people. You see, February 14th is the anniversary of the day I crossed an ocean to come to the United States.  It was truly the beginning of a new chapter in the book of my life.

In the grand scheme of things, beauty is fleeting, candy is eaten, flowers wilt, and jewelry loses its luster. But sometimes, the love we share has nothing to do with romance, but rather, an intimacy of a higher level -- Agape love -- empowering a person with the passion to love in an extraordinary way.

This is the LOVE that I think of on February 14th.